“She speaks with wisdom, and FAITHFUL instruction is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:26
This is something that I believe only a mother understands, so if you are reading this and are not a mother and you do understand, then maybe I am wrong. I didn’t understand it or even “see” it until I was pregnant with my first and then even more so once I had her.
Parenting is a very tough thing. So many people have their different ways of doing it, so many experts will tell you what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’, so many other parents will tell you what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong.’ I know that I always feel pressure to make sure and do the ‘right’ thing with my kids. BUT WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING?
Here is a very easy example of people to understand what I am talking about. Sleep training. Cry it out (CIO) vs non cry it out (NCIO). I am not going to tell you what is right and what is wrong. That isn’t the point of this. I am going to tell you my experience I had going through it. I was/am a CIO mom. Is it the right or wrong way? I don’t know, I don’t care. It is what worked for us, so that is what we did.
I say all that to get to this. I had the support of some mothers when I was going through sleep training and letting the girls CIO. HOWEVER, I had much criticism from other (NCIO) mothers. From mothers that I thought were my friends. I heard things like “how could she love her kids but let them cry.” Mean, hurtful things were said about my parenting style. I couldn’t believe it. It made/makes me take a step back and make sure that I am not being that critical and harsh of other people’s parenting style.
Mothering & parenting is probably the hardest job there is and I think that in general mothers are much harder on themselves than they should be. I know I want to make sure and do everything right for my kids, because I want what is best for them. And then once you think you have picked the right way to go about something you get slammed by another mother because they think you are the worst mother for choosing that way. It doesn’t make sense to me.
My challenge for myself and also for you is to encourage all your mommy friends. Don’t judge or criticize what they do, instead let them know what a wonderful job they are doing raising their child/children. Right now, call or send an email to one of your friends and tell them that you think they are a fantastic mother and that you think they are doing the best job they can do! I promise you it will make her day!!!
You are so sweet to remind us all of this! I have challenged myself to just admire the love my fellow mommy friends have for their kids and praise them for how they show that love, otherwise to each their own and outside of that every kid is different and needs different forms of structure and even discipline! You are right on Bobbi! P.S. You can see the love your children have for you and eachother through pictures sweet momma and that means it is some pretty strong stuff!
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ReplyDeleteSo incredibly true. I read a hundred different views on every topic regarding child rearing and ask all the moms I know. Every single one has a different view and I finally came to realize the "best" view is what works for you and your child. Try something, if it doesn't work, move on and try something else. I just gave this advice to a friend the other day to "read all the books and then just decide what works for you- don't stress over it". It's so nice to hear other mothers admit their struggle with the Right and Wrong methods. I'm really enjoying reading your blog and relating! Thanks for all the posts!
Bob, this is so true! Every child and mother is different. Not one better for choosing one way. Even I have found ways I parent Riley aren't always the things that work with Morgan and visa versa. I hadn't read books, contrary to what many people recommend and advise. I just feel that it is something you learn and find what feels right to you as you go along. There are times when I need specific advice and enjoy reading up on that issue, but why stress myself to fit my life and children into a mold according to 'whoever' rather than doing what makes our lives easier and in better harmony by trusting ourselves, instincts and God's direction for our life. I strive every day to be the best mother to my girls and definitely have days when I wish I would have done better, but when I wake in the morning it's a new day and a new try! J and A are so blessed to have you as their Mommy and just keep trucking on because you are doing an amazing job! And please keep me in your prayers because I'm about to go through CIO method soon with Morgan. Hate doing it but it does work and worked for Riley! When you realize you both would benefit from better sleep is when I think it's time. Miss you!
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