Struggles

Sorry for the lapse in post last week. Life got super busy and I got super tired which meant I "slept in" and if I do that then there is no time for blog writing!

Today I don't have a scripture for you. I hope you have one fore me. I don't have a lesson learned story. Maybe you have one for me. All I have is what I am struggling with as a mom.

Between Alan's work, my "work", my dad having surgery and just life, I have wanted to step away from being a mom and just be Bobbi. Go sit with my mom at the hospital as her daughter, not as Jayme and Ashlee's mommy. I have wanted to get my pile of sewing done to get caught up on orders. I have wanted to have photo shoots any time of the week not just on weekends. I have wanted to just get up and go to an event at church without having to worry about a babysitter.

All these instances have been struggles for me lately because I feel trapped. Completely trapped. There is not much that I can do without checking with someone. Check with Alan to see if he will be home to watch the kids. "Check" with the kids to see if it is a good time to leave them. Check with the babysitter. Find a babysitter. Pay a babysitter.

I am not sure why it took me 3 years to realize that my complete freedom is gone. Maybe I have just been okay with it up until this point because I haven't had much else going on, but now that I am trying to do stuff outside of being mommy and wife that the "trapped" feeling is coming to the surface. I admit that I get jealous when my husband says he is going to go run all these errands before coming home from work. It isn't an issue for him to just go run a few errands. He doesn't have to ask me if I can watch the kids so he can go do that, but if I want to run errands alone I have to make sure he is home from work, etc. I don't hold that against him. He doesn't get to play around all day with the kids. He works hard for us, but he isn't trapped in the building he works in 24/7.

I wish I could get over it. I wish I knew how. If you have had these feelings I would love for you to share with me how you got over it. One step I have made is just sucking it up and paying for babysitters. I know that is silly, call me cheap, I just hate paying for sitters.

If you have read this far, thank you for sticking with my "whining." Tomorrow I'll be back to encouraging you!