Rest, Read & Rejuvinate

For all of you loyal readers out there I have to apologize for my lack of posts. I am learning as the kids get older the busier my summers get. Keep them entertained is a full time job for sure!!!

All that being said, I am going to take about a month break from the blog to focus on them, to rest, and to do more studying. I feel the need to really focus on 2 relationships right now. One being my relationship with God and learning His plan for me and being obedient to that plan. The other relationship being that with my husband. As y'all know I have been attending a Bible study on marriage and I am most definitely feeling the need to really focus on being the best wife God intended me to be.

So, I hope y'all are all having a great summer and I'll see you back hopefully sooner than later!

RESPECT

Okay, so I am back to my marriage study notes. Tuesday night we talked about respecting our husbands. This marriage study is showing me how truly different men and women and are more specifically how different me and my husband are. It is no wonder that we are all messed up at time. There are a few points that were made that I think are worth sharing.

Here is one example of how I say we are completely different: "A wife needs love like she needs air to breath." "A man needs respect like he needs air to breath." When we first started talking about these two statements I kind of thought it was silly and that really wasn't true. But then it all kind of made sense to me. Think about when you are in an argument with your husband. At some point in the argument what do YOU end up saying to him? Something to the effect of "Well, you don't act like you love me." Right? You need love right? I do! I don't know if I have ever heard my husband say "You don't respect me" but when I think back to some of our arguments, that is essentially the bottom line.

There was a diagram in our workbook that is a circle with words written all around it, so show how behaviors can feed off each other. There is a healthy circle and an unhealthy circle. I am sure you can figure out which one is which:

Without love she reacts without respect.
Without respect he reacts without love.

Her respect motivates his love.
His love motivates her respect.

Is there really much to comment on that? It's a fantastic reminder of how we feed off each other and it is really easy to get trap in a circle. Hopefully we get trapped in the healthy circle and not the unhealthy one!

Melody (the woman who wrote this study) gave a great every day example of how to respect your husband. So, your husband is changing the baby's diaper and when he is done you see your kid walking down the hallway with the diaper halfway falling off. A disrespectful response would be something like, "Honey, don't you know how to put on a diaper. Do I have to do everything around here to get it done right.? A respect answer would be, "Jonnie (little kid), we need to march right back in here to daddy so he can fix your diaper. Those things can be so tricky some time."

I know that is silly, but it makes complete sense. Yesterday morning Jayme came down the stairs with mismatched pajamas and I thought to myself, "Alan, your killing me." But I had to change that thought to be grateful that he put the kids to bed last night so I could stay at church to lead a small youth group.

My challenge for you this weekend is to speak all words of respect to your husband. I will have a hard time with this I know, but I think it'll be rewarding for me and hopefully you too!

Teaching your children

So, I have finally gotten a chance to read another chapter in Plan A Mom in a Plan B World.

This chapter really showed the importance of teaching your kids daily about God and His love for us. In our house we sing Bible songs (Bible Book Bop is one of our favs right now) and say our prayers and Jayme asks about God and Jesus some times, but there is not a time to sit down and read a Bible story together and really learn. I think I may change that.

Do you sit down with your kids daily and teach them? If you do, PLEASE share with us what you do with your kids. I would love to know!

High Impact Parent

Okay, so I feel like every single Monday I tell you about our sermon on Sunday. I feel like I am totally cheating, but some of the stuff that was said was so powerful that I have to share it with you.

This week our pastor's dad spoke about being a "high impact player" in parenting. He talk about Joshua from the Bible and how he was a high impact #2 player for 38 years and then when he finally went to the #1 spot, he continued to be a high impact player.

He talked about 2 ways to be a high impact player in parenting.
1. What our families see us do has an affect on them.
2. How we live with our families have an affect on them.

I knew these 2 things before listening to Mr. Thomas speak today, but he really drove the point home.

I wrote some bullet points down in my notes that I want to share with you (and I may go off on a tangent on some of them.)

*Very important what our children see in our lives - AMEN! I need daily reminders of this. When I see a behavior that I don't like from our kids I immediately try to figure out where they learned that behavior. I look at how I act around them and also am observant of how other kids they are around act. I want to make sure my kids see the best in our lives.

*Joshua consistently pursued a relationship with God - I try to do my Bible quite time in the mornings before the kids get up but that never seems to work out. Jayme just seems to get up earlier and earlier each morning. But when she asks me what I am doing I tell her that I am having quite time with God and learning more about Him. She may not really understand that, but one days she will.

*What you do impacts your family - This one scared me a bit because it is so true that e.v.e.r.y s.i.n.g.l.e a.c.t.i.on affects your family good or bad.

*The power of your life is a very influential thing.

*The most influential people in a child's life is mom & dad - no pressure, huh?

*The most critical need for your children is a strong sense of connection - Our children thrive off of emotional connections. I totally see that in my kids. When they can show you how they did sometime and you pay attention to that and tell them how proud you are, they beam like they have a light blub inside of them.

*Interacting is the most important thing in your kids lives - amen & note to self.

I wrote all these bullet points down not to share with you, but as a reminder for me. I want to be the highest impact player parent to my kids and I need daily reminders of how to do that.

Have a great week!

Romans 15:13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Have a great weekend!

Love Language

Tuesday night we had our "Bliss or Miss" Bible study. So, here I go again with my 3 pages of notes.

We talked about how you act when you feel loved. We talked about ways to make your husband feel loved. The lady teaching this class made a fantastic point. She said "Your husband knows you loves him, He wants to feel your love."

That took us into talking about the 5 Love Languages. I am sure most of you have heard of that, but if you haven't, check it out and take their online quiz. 5 Love Languages

I think Melody really nailed the hammer on the head when she said that 99% of the time we show our spouse love by doing the things that would make OURSELVES feel loved. So, learning what makes your spouse feel loved will show you how you need to show him love. Alan hasn't taken the test yet, but I am most definitely going to ask him to.

I study this book in a religion course in college and I am going to have to go back and see if I have the results from when I took the test then to compare them to what they are today. I think they have totally changed. So, here are my results:

1. Receiving gifts - This really doesn't surprise me because I LOVE to give gifts. I love to see the excitement on peoples face or to make them feel special by getting a gift they wanted. The biggest thing that made sense to me in the explanation of this love language is that we (people who have this love language) really appreciate the thought that goes into buying or getting the gift. It means that someone took time out of their day to think about what would make us happy.

2. This was a tie between Acts of Service & Words of Affirmation - This really doesn't surprise me either. Just yesterday my cousin comment on facebook "cousin you are SO TALENTED!! I absolutely love your gallery." Melanie - if you are reading this, YOU MADE MY DAY and gave me a little more confidence to keep doing what I am doing!!! Acts of service is something I like to do to. I'll go mow the yard for my husband even though I am highly allergic to grass just so he doesn't have to spend his entire weekend working on the lawn. I don't know if he really cares or not, but that is how I show him my love. (I guess it would help to know if he feels loved that way because if not, it is hard work..haha!)

4. Physical Touch
5. Quality Time

So, those are my love languages. Melody made one other good point that I think needs to be shared. She talked about learning our kids love languages. Obviously my kids can't take the test yet, so I just have to observe what they want throughout the day. I have never really thought about this until Tuesday night, but my kids have a love language too and a "love tank" that needs filled up just the way they want it filled up. Just like I need to speak my husbands love language I really need to speak my kids too. The last thing I want is for them to feel unloved!

In it...not for it

Okay, so this is a continuation of notes I took from the message Susan gave on Sunday. She talked a lot about a very specific phrase that I think really makes sense and wanted to share it with you.

Live IN the moment, not FOR the moment.

Susan made a really good point regarding this statement. It isn't a bad thing to live in the moment. It is kind of like I talked about yesterday and not living for the 'someday' but living for the 'today.' Whether your moment right now is good or bad, living in that moment as best you can is a good thing.

On the other hand, living for the moment is a completely different thing. When you are living FOR the moment you are living for something that will come and go. That moment you are living for will come and it may be a great moment, but it will pass and you will want another moment to live for. That moment will come and again it may be great, but it too will pass and the cycle continues.

The biggest point that she made that I think is that when we are in every moment in our life (especially the bad ones) that there is a bigger picture than just that moment we are in.

Live IN the moment, not FOR the moment.

Someday

Our pastor's wife Susan spoke this weekend at church and gave a great message on "What are you living for?". The whole message was fantastic, but there was one thing that stuck with me and I haven't been able to get it out of my head since I heard it.

Susan talked about the "someday syndrome." 'Someday when I just get more money.' 'Someday when I get a break from the kids.' 'Someday when I get a new car.' Someday when I make friends.'

There are so many 'somedays' that I feel like we could get totally overwhelmed with that. Completely consumed with the 'someday' that we completely miss the 'today.'

I have to confess that I completely suffer from the someday syndrome, ESPECIALLY when it comes to the kids. I believe that my kids are at the age where I don't want to miss a thing because they are growing up way too fast and before I know it they are going to be teenagers, but at the same time I am ready for this stage to pass. Ashlee is already in the "terrible twos." Jayme is learning where her attitude can and can't get her. Having a 3 and almost 2 year old in the house definitely makes from many 'someday' days.

I have been thinking about things with my kids that I put a 'someday' label on and I want to counteract those labels so I can be in 'today' with my kids. So here they are:

Someday Ashlee won't want me to hold her all the time - In a matter of months or just a year Ashlee will not want me to hold her or rock her at all. Enjoy the snuggles now.

Someday Jayme will not want me to look at every single thing she does - Soon enough she will be hiding things from me in her room. Watch her discover her new talents.

Someday the house will be quite and I can think straight for a minute - The house will be quite because the girls won't want to talk to you, only to their friends. Let it be loud.

Someday Alan and I will have the house to ourselves if only for a few hours - In a blink of an eye the girls will be itching to get out of this house and go off to college. Spend as much time as you can with them.

These are all very eye opening to me and make me really realize how much I need to be in 'today' with my kiddos. I really don't want to miss anything. That is one of the main reasons I don't want to go back to work. I don't want to miss the look on their eyes when they discover something new or the excitement they get when I let them get a treat when we are out running errands.

Do you have the "Someday Syndrome?"

Love and Marriage.....

So you know yesterday how I told you I started a marriage Bible study? Well, I am here to share with you today about some of the notes I took the other night in our first night of this study. Some things that made sense to me, that jumped out at me and that I would like to share.

1. You can't control what your husband (or kids or friends or anyone for that matter) does, but you can control what you do. I know that I find myself all the time trying to make Alan do something the way that I want it done or wishing he would do it some other way. I am learning that God made Alan an individual with unique features that will bless the way he does stuff in our marriage.

2. Am I willing to let my husband make mistakes? To let him be the leader God intended him to be, I have to let him lead. And if that means he makes some mistakes, then he makes some mistakes. I make mistakes all the times so it is perfectly okay to let my husband! This was great - If your husband makes a mistake, he knows he did before you tell him. My husband is extremely smart and rarely makes mistakes, so when he does I always want to point it out. That is terrible I know, but I usually make a mistake when I wake up, so it makes me feel good to know he makes mistakes too. Obviously that is not the right approach. (note to self....work on that.)

3. Husbands love when people cheer them on. I (you) can be the perfect cheerleader. This was actually a funny point. The lady teaching the Bible study used this example: You know when you were dating your husband and you would sit outside right next to his truck while he worked on it and would tell him how awesome he was working on his truck. HAHAHA! I wondered if she knew us when we were dating. After 7 years of marriage and 2 kids, I don't have the time to sit outside and watch him work on his truck, but maybe that is what we both need. Just to be around each other. In each others presence and me to be there to see and be proud of his mechanical skills.

4. A woman needs to admire her husband for what he already is, not for what he could become if he lived up to her standards. I think I will be reading this statement for a very long time. I didn't marry my husband because I thought he would become something great. I married him because I thought he was great.

This Bible study is a 'gut check' for me as a wife. I hope I can take it.

Wow God Wednesday

I don't know how many times I can say this, but I am amazed at God's impeccable timing. There are so many things that are falling into place that I couldn't have ever predicted would happen and there are things that are not happening that I was certain would happen. It just goes to show that God knows better than anyone!!!! In my bad moments I just have to continue to remember that!

How has God wowed you this week?

ps - We just started a Bible study at church on marriage and yesterday was the overview of the class and I took 4 pages of notes...totally excited for this and to share with you what God has taught me!

Random Encouragement

This morning when I woke up and read through my note book, nothing jumped out at me to write about. I take that back, a lot of things jumped out at me, but they were just sentences that I wrote down as I was taking notes from something. I thought I would just share a bunch of those sentences with you and maybe one of them or all of them will be the encouragement you need today!

When you give God all you have, that is all that He needs.

When sin enters the human equation, guilt enters the human emotion.

We can curse or bless our relationships by what we speak about them.

God sees your oppression, your pain and He hears your cries.

Trust God for the process He has for your life.

Repentance is when you allow God to change you. With the power of God you CAN change.

True communication occurs when the actual message you are trying to send is accurately received.

God wants to give me the power to be slow to anger, have a good filter in my ears, and heal my broken heart.

Forgiveness is NOT: easy, normal, forgetting, apologizing or optional.

Out of an overflow of what God is doing on your life, you are able to bless others.

Passionate love take that which we love and lay it down at the feet of something we love more.

The battle for your mind is a battle for your life.

Pray for your own wisdom and your childrens acceptance of that wisdom.

Control

Sorry for the lack of post. I had ever intention of writing last week, but I have learned that if I am out of town, blogging just isn't going to happen. But, I am back in the swing of things and will continue to write to you until our next trip out of town!!!

I read another chapter out of Plan A Mom in a Plan B World. This chapter was called "Being overly controlling or Trusting God with my child." I have to say that I didn't think I would take too many notes. And I also didn't think I would relate much. Boy was I wrong. I want to share with you a few things that stuck out to me.

The story of the Bible in this chapter is about Sarai not being able to bear a child and taking matters into her own hands. You can read Genesis 16 to get the whole story, but basically Sarai took control and didn't trust God's plan and things didn't turn out so great.

There were 8 dangers of being controlling in this chapter and two of them really stuck out to me.

1. Not trusting God - I am smart enough to know that God has my best interest in mind. There is no doubt about that. I want to trust God with everything and I try my hardest, but I have to say that sometimes I just want to do it my way because it seems like it will be the easier way. Instead what I need to be doing is trusting God to lead me in the direction that He wants me to go and trust that He will get me through any situation He puts me in.

2. Fear - I am scared that if I do something any other way than the way that is worked out in my head it will be a disaster! Or a different way will be harder, less efficient and have a completely different result than what I want...even if it is a better result.

I feel that many times in my life I control situation for my fear of the unknown. To know there is a plan, execute that plan, and see the results is very comforting to me. When there is an unexpected Plan B I go into "make things happen" mode (characteristics of a controller) and try to control the situation instead of letting it happen, and making the most of the situation.

Dear God, Please help me let go of my controlling behaviors. Let me trust you even with the smallest things. If dinner is running 30 minutes late, let me see the good in it, trust that my kids will not have complete meltdowns and all will be okay. Please HELP ME to give everything to you and to NOT lean on my own understanding, but to lean on you.

Planning vs Manipulation

So, the newest chapter in Plan A Mom in a Plan B World talks about doing things my own way or God's way. I was very interested in what this chapter had to say because frankly I have been doing things my way for a while now and I think God's way is a little bit better plan for me.

This biggest thing that I took away from this chapter was to go to God with the concerns you have about your child. That may seem like a pretty standard thing for you, but for me it seems really really silly to talk to God about helping potty train your child. But I did that. In my own prayers to God and in my daughters night time prayers we asked God to help her ALWAYS go teetee on the potty.

Have a seen this miraculous change in my daughter since we both gave over potty training to Him? No, not really. But I am trying to faithfully give over my struggles as a parent (and this is a huge one) to God. I told Him in a prayer the other night, "I can't do this anymore. I have tried everything. I give Jayme and the control over her bladder to you. Please show me how to do this your way." I can't believe I actually just told you that I gave control over Jayme's bladder to God. Ha!

The one other big thing that I am learning from this study (well I already new it, but have become more aware of it) is the HUGE influence we are on our kids. If I treat something or someone a certain way multiple times, my kids will see that and will copy my actions. It is something I have to remember all the time when I would rather throw a hissy fit than be the bigger person. Or when I want to talk bad about something instead of good. We are shaping who are children will be right now with our actions. I was to be the best teacher I can be.

Psalm 37:5-6

I was reading Plan A Mom in a Plan B World this morning and this verse was mentioned and I really liked it and thought I would share it with you this morning!

Commit your way to the Lord; TRUST in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Psalm 37:5

Happy Monday!

Unwavering Faith

Since we have starting attending Keystone Church we have met some pretty awesome people. I don't know if you remember when I talked about mooching off other peoples faith (you can read about that here), but all these friends that we have met are definitely people you could mooch some faith off of!!!

One of these couples we have met, Jamie & Jared, just had a sweet baby boy, Callan. He has been in the NICU since minutes after he was born. During a sonogram when Jamie was pregnant they discovered that he had some heart problems. I won't get into all the detail because I don't quite understand it all, but Callan will have to have surgery to fix the problems he has. They have a CaringBridge page if you would like to read it and learn more (just click here).

I just got done reading their page from start to finish and I am just completely in awe at their trust in God, their prayful approach to handling this situation and the beautiful family their are. What an amazing testimony to faith they are having to not only everyone who knows them, but to those who don't know them but see them in the NICU with their son.

Please join me in praying for this sweet family. For the doctors as they help Callan continue on a healing path. For Callan to have strength to eat. And for Jamie and Jared.

Freedom

Freedom Reigns

Where the Spirit of the Lord is
There is Freedom
Where the Spirit of the Lord is
There is Freedom

Lift your eyes to Heaven
There is Freedom
Lift your eyes to Heaven
There is Freedom

Freedom Reigns in this place
Showers of Mercy and Grace
Falling on every face
There is Freedom

If you're tired and thirsty
There is Freedom
If you're tired and thirsty
There is Freedom

Give your all to Jesus
There is Freedom
Give your all to Jesus
There is Freedom

Freedom Reigns in this place
Showers of Mercy and Grace
Falling on every face
There is Freedom

Jesus Reigns in this place
Showers of Mercy and Grace
Falling on every face
There is Freedom

This song has been on my mind for days now and I am pretty sure that God is trying to tell me something. I tried to get a video of this song put on here, but it wasn't working. So, if you want to listen to it, check it out here.

Over the last few months I have really seen how giving over your worries, your struggles, essentially your everything over to God can been very freeing. Lately I have been trying to take back over that control and it is time for me to give it all to God again and be free of my worries and struggles. God has it under control!

So, if the SON sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

Give your all to Jesus....there is freedom.

Wow God Wednesday

I think I see a trend going on here. Or I am having deja vu! But yet again I am wowed by God's perfect timing.

So you know on Monday how I shared my struggles with not having much freedom. Well Tuesday when I was reading my Bible study it talked about changing your attitude from "I have to..." to "I get to..." So instead of me saying "I have to stop what I am doing and do so and so with the kids.", I need to say "I get to do so and so with my kids." Truthfully that chapter in the book was a bit of a slap in the face. Kind of God saying "Bobbi, get over yourself."

Then last night at our church we had a "Girls Night Out." Our pastors wife talked about where our dead places are. And once again, God slapped me across the face with the message. My kids and my family and the joys I get from them should not be a dead place in my life, but a "life" place in my life!

It is incredible how well God knows your heart and knows what you need to hear!

How has God wowed you this past week?

Guilt

Chapter 2 in Plan A Mom in a Plan B World is calling "Languishing in Guilt or Rejoicing in Grace." My favorite part of this chapter was where it talked about false guilt. False guilt is basically talking about guilt that you should not own. This book says it is guilt about not living up to our own or someone else expectations.

It is kind of like this: I had a friend send me a text message when she was really struggling with all that life was throwing at her. And I mean life was throwing a LOT of things at her. Her 3 yer old daughter had just had surgery, her almost 2 year old daughter got a stomach bug, her husband deployed, her 3 year old daughter got the stomach bug from sister (while trying to recover from surgery), and to top that off the 3 year old got the rota virus and was hospitalized again. Oh yeah, and she works full time for the Navy. How about all that in a 2 week time frame. Anyways, the text message said that her parents were coming to get the kids from her so she could rest and concentrate on work. I told her I thought that was a great idea. Her next sentence made me so sad. It said, "Why do I feel so guilty?"

My reply back to my friend was this: You feel so guilty because people in today's society have mad it seem that if you can do it ALL and do it happily then you are a failure. But the truth is, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. I told her that she has done more in the last few weeks by herself than I could do with the help of my husband and my mom.

What she had was false guilt. I have some false guilt that I am working through right now. And can I just tell you that satan LOVES false guilt. I hear him working in me, stirring that guilt, trying to make me believe it. It is hard thing to get rid of.

1John 1:9 tells us, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

Let go of your false guilt, give your real guilt to God through confession and live life the way God wants you to live.

Struggles

Sorry for the lapse in post last week. Life got super busy and I got super tired which meant I "slept in" and if I do that then there is no time for blog writing!

Today I don't have a scripture for you. I hope you have one fore me. I don't have a lesson learned story. Maybe you have one for me. All I have is what I am struggling with as a mom.

Between Alan's work, my "work", my dad having surgery and just life, I have wanted to step away from being a mom and just be Bobbi. Go sit with my mom at the hospital as her daughter, not as Jayme and Ashlee's mommy. I have wanted to get my pile of sewing done to get caught up on orders. I have wanted to have photo shoots any time of the week not just on weekends. I have wanted to just get up and go to an event at church without having to worry about a babysitter.

All these instances have been struggles for me lately because I feel trapped. Completely trapped. There is not much that I can do without checking with someone. Check with Alan to see if he will be home to watch the kids. "Check" with the kids to see if it is a good time to leave them. Check with the babysitter. Find a babysitter. Pay a babysitter.

I am not sure why it took me 3 years to realize that my complete freedom is gone. Maybe I have just been okay with it up until this point because I haven't had much else going on, but now that I am trying to do stuff outside of being mommy and wife that the "trapped" feeling is coming to the surface. I admit that I get jealous when my husband says he is going to go run all these errands before coming home from work. It isn't an issue for him to just go run a few errands. He doesn't have to ask me if I can watch the kids so he can go do that, but if I want to run errands alone I have to make sure he is home from work, etc. I don't hold that against him. He doesn't get to play around all day with the kids. He works hard for us, but he isn't trapped in the building he works in 24/7.

I wish I could get over it. I wish I knew how. If you have had these feelings I would love for you to share with me how you got over it. One step I have made is just sucking it up and paying for babysitters. I know that is silly, call me cheap, I just hate paying for sitters.

If you have read this far, thank you for sticking with my "whining." Tomorrow I'll be back to encouraging you!

Wow God Wednesday

God, you have been doing some pretty rockin' things lately. Thank you!

I am still so amazed at how God has changed my heart. Sometimes I see the old me come out and I realize that was a very unhappy me. I am wowed by what He has done in me and what He can do in me if I just let Him.

There have been a bunch of babies born lately and it has reminded me what a blessing my kids are. I have the privilege of photographing newborns and I just love the peacefulness that is with them when they sleep. And the comfort they have when they are being held by momma. Each time I come home from a newborn photoshoot I try to cuddle with my kids a little more than they want me to...haha!

Has God wowed you in the last week? Please share!